May I Introduce… Mr. Pants!

You Guys!

It has been SO busy over here with all this modeling I’m doing. Like, seriously, photos from every angle. Anyway, I’ve managed to escape the lens for a bit to bring you another profile in cat. Now, this one was sort of a surprise cat. A traveler, if you will. A rebel.

pants

Ladies.

You see, MomFOD had her heart set on getting a few barn cats for the barn at the new house. She did that. Long story short, one of them wandered into her kitchen and then into her heart. I keep telling her he’s only going to break it, but she won’t listen. Well, I’ll be there to tell her “I told you so” in due time. Until then, please welcome Mr. Pants!

 

***

Crepes: Welcome, Mr. Pants.

Pants: Ladies…

Crepes: Eh, it’s just me.

Pants: Everything I say, I say to all the ladies in the world, all the time.

Crepes: Ok, then… tell us about yourself, Mr. Pants.

Pants: My name is Señor Pantalones.  I am black, I am soft, and I want you to touch me because you will like it.

Crepes: I’m just gonna sit right here. Now, I hear you’re a working cat. Tell me more.

Pants: You know, I used to work, but I made my fortune early and now I have retired to the good life.

Crepes: Do you want to elaborate on that?

Pants: Not really. Work is something I do not like to discuss. I do, however, like to travel. Do you like to travel, Crepes?

Crepes: No. I hide under chairs anytime I have to leave the house.

Pants: Tell me about your fears, Crepes.

Crepes: This is not at all what I want to talk about.

Pants: Do you want to cuddle?

Crepes: Dear lord, no.

Pants: You know, there is really only one human lady for me. But, if there are any other cat ladies out there, please see me if you’d like to have a cuddle.

Crepes: You know, you keep talking to the ladies but some of our readers are men. Is there anything you want to say to them?

Pants: Yes. I may have been neutered, but I still have more balls than you.

Crepes: Okee dokee.

***

And that’s Mr. Pants!  An enigma with a Spanish accent who apparently really likes to cuddle and only likes MomFOD. Any questions for Mr. Pants?

pants

Lounging.

pants

“The secret to looking bigger is to keep the bush small.” – S. P.

pants

A taste of the indoors.

 

Love,

Crepes.

Today We Meet Niles!

Hello, Readers.

 

Today, we meet Mr. Niles Chesterfield of Cambridge. London. (He insisted I add that. He’s from Wisconsin. He’s not fooling anyone.) Niles is the senior member of the Grelyak household. Having been adopted from a no-kill rescue somewhere about the turn of the century, (this latest one, not the previous one), Niles has been with MomFOD throughout her college years and all the years beyond. He’ll be celebrating his 18th birthday this year and is still chugging along like a champ. Let’s hear what he has to say!

Niles today. (Well, yesterday, or recently enough, anyway.)

***

Crepes: How’s the weather today, Niles?

Niles: What feather?

Crepes: No, the weather!

Niles: Back in Ott 9, I recall a rather beautiful feather. It tickled my fancy, one might say.

Crepes: Right… So, tell us about yourself?

Niles: I have a fabulous shelf. High up on the wall, built by my Alana herself. Quite a good show she put on, really.

Crepes: I see.

Niles: So can I! Hearing’s not so good these days, though.

Crepes: You don’t say.

Niles: It’s Tuesday.

Crepes: I quit.

***

Anyway, there you have it! Dear Old Niles, the 17, almost 18, year old black cat with the scruffy fur and a love of cuddling. He would like to represent the senior constituency of our readers.

Niles, at age fifteen and a half.

Niles

Lookin to the future!

Love,

 

Crepes.

 

And Our First Contestant Is….Mrs P.!

Dear Readers,

Let’s get started with the action of meeting all the new members of my growing editorial team!

May I present to you (Because MomFOD said I had to) the never-industrious, always languishing, not particularly illustrious Mrs. P. Sylvia Peabody! (Insert applause here- or don’t. Whatever.)   You may remember Mrs P. from my previous posts. She’s the tortie. Anyway, that’s it for Mrs P! Thanks for stopping by-

Editor’s Note: This article has been re-edited by your editor to actually bring you information about Mrs. Peabody, despite the protests and demonstrations of a jealous Crepes. 

Mrs. P. Sylvia Peabody is, indeed, a tortie. Found within a group of tiny torties circa 2006, Mrs. P and her siblings were being tormented by some children with sticks. A kind neighbor scooped them up and, with my help, found homes for several, including Mrs. P.  After many years of being a happy-go-lucky little tortie (of the pleasant variety rather than the sassy ilk), Mrs. Peabody lost her best buddy Rocky to cancer. Since then, Mrs. P. has suffered from numerous bouts of IBD, developed an allergy to fish products, and now has anxiety issues that are alleviated with fluoxetine, the generic version of Prozac.  She’s a sweet, loving girl who enjoys the odd butt slap. Let’s have Mrs. P say a few things herself:

***

Hello, everyone. I love naps. And I love the window perch. I also love my mom. I really love to eat. Gosh, food is great. I like fish, too! But it makes me poop and then I have to run away from it and hide under a chair. I love purring and meowing, too. I HATE thunder! Also, I fancy myself to be a spicy girl who occasionally likes a spanking. And I love boxes! Remember that time I stole Crepes’ underwear?

 

I’m SASSY.

She was MAD. It was great! Talk to you all soon!

Love,

Peabody.

***

Alright, Peabody. Well, perhaps we’ll put you in charge of reviews or…something.

We’ll be hearing from some more of our candidates this week!

Leave any questions you may have for Mrs. P in the comments!

Love,

 

Alana and Crepes.

 

Mrs P and Doodle, circa 2006.

Payback, circa 2008.