I think it’s time I tell you about my stump. I know I talk about it a lot, but it’s time I tell you the truth. It was a shark that got me leg. True story. I was surfing once off the coast of the Adriatic during one of my jaunts to Italy. I hit a bump and flew up into the air. I thought I landed safely back on my surfboard, but it was not so. I was, in fact, riding a shark. A mega mouth shark. We glided smoothly through the water, I enjoying the view, and he enjoying his new passenger through life, as brief as our moments were together. And then, as we swam through the water basking in the sunshine and our new-found friendship, we ran into a gang of great whites. A whole bunch of them. I tried to run the other way, but there’s only so far you can run on a mega mouth’s back before you hit water. And then, I did. I plunged down into the ocean and, as I looked up, I saw the mega mouth punching the great whites in the faces. All of them. At once. I thought that that was my last moment in this life (I wasn’t worried because I had eight more in reserve), but then a goblin shark came after me. I must have sunk farther than I thought! His jaws lurched towards me and the sheer force of them coming at me shot me out like a cannon on the current of expelled water. I launched up through the surface of the water and that’s when I landed on the back of a lemon shark! I hit hard, and I passed out, feeling his citrusy soft skin beneath me as the world went dark. When I woke up, I was on the beach, alone, with nothing but sand and a stump. I’m not sure how the stump got there, really. The worst part is, I never did find my surf board.
I hope you’re enjoying Shark Week as much as I have been! Tonight’s the last night of new Shark Week programming. Watch, enjoy, and tell me a story about a shark you’ve met! What was he like? Was he tall?