Can I Eat That?

So, last night I ate some dirt. I’m not going to lie, I found it kind of tasty. It had an earthy, oakey flavor. I think it also had an note of chocolate on the finish, but I can’t be sure since the FOD’s never let me have chocolate. Apparently, I can’t eat chocolate. I keep telling them I CAN eat chocolate. I just put it in my mouth and chew! But they don’t believe me, and I am outraged. Alas, no chocolate for me.

So, what can I eat? They allow me to eat food that hasn’t been cooked. They cook their food, but not mine. They call it “grain free.” I call it “lazy.” Apparently, it’s healthier for us. From what I can eschew, it’s healthier because they don’t have to turn on the stove, which would release gas fumes into the kitchen, making it a safer place for kitties to breathe. I plan to do some investigative journalism into this Raw Diet soon in an up-coming post, so stay tuned!

Meanwhile, since I’ve spent a lot of time looking into the fridge, I’ve done a lot of label reading. Here’s what I’ve come up with as a short list of things I shouldn’t eat:

Mustard. Mustard can upset my tummy.

Ketchup. It’s made from tomatoes, and cats should never have green tomatoes, or the leaves or stems of tomato plants. They’re nightshades and they’re toxic!

Chocolate. Yeah, I don’t know about that one, just don’t give it to cats or bad things will happen, either to the universe or to my intestinal tract, not positive which and don’t really want to test that theory.

Onions, chives, and garlic. These can actually cause anemia in cats and dogs! Read labels carefully, because I’ve definitely seen garlic powder added to some foods and that’s not a good thing, according to my research.

Raisins.  These come from grapes. We can’t have grapes, either. It seems that they’ve been linked to kidney failure. The ASPCA advises against grapes or raisins in any amount due to unknown toxicity levels. Yikes.

Milk. No, I cannot drink milk, it gives me the runs, so I won’t drink it and your kitty shouldn’t, either. Cats are lactose intolerant, as are many, many people, so unless you want me to drop a deuce on your pillow whilst I sleep, don’t give me cow’s milk. Goat milk seems to go down well, though, so if you want to treat your kitty, get some raw goat’s milk as a treat. Delish!

Alcohol. Yes, I am cultured. No, I do not drink wine, and I will not drink wine. That stuff can knock me out and kill a kitten. Keep it away, please.

Caffeine. This can be fatal to us in large amounts, so watch out where you leave that cup of tea or coffee if you have a paw-licker around who might want to stick his little feet in your cup.

Xylitol. Ok, this one’s not a food, really, and it’s not in the fridge, but I wanted to include it because a lot of people don’t know about it. A tiny amount can kill your kitty! It’s an alternative sweetener found in gum, candies, some baked items, and in toothpaste!  Ingestion of xylitol can kill dogs pretty rapidly. So far, I’ve found a few sources that say it CAN kill a kitty, and some that say there’s not enough evidence to prove it. I say, if it’s not good enough for a dog, it’s DEFINITELY not good enough for me.

Let’s face it, there are a LOT of things that can poison kitties and doggies, more things than I can fit in this post,  just as there are lots of things in the American diet that can poison people. When in doubt, don’t offer it to us. Because, if you offer it, you have to give it, or you’re being rude. So, keep those poisonous foods to yourselves and keep us kitties on our healthy diets! We like to stay svelte. I’d like to close with a list of gifts that you should NOT give to your cat, as well as a reminder to always read your labels! It can save us a miserable trip to the vet.

HORRIBLE CAT GIFT IDEAS: Chocolate-covered raisins, a gift card for Starbucks, a cappuccino maker, beer of the month club membership, a tour of a vineyard, a pregnant cow, a Keurig machine.

Do you have other things you want to add to this list? Leave me a note below!

Always read your labels!
Always read your labels!

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor. I am a kitty-journalist and this is all based on my research. If you take umbrage with anything I’ve said here, I strongly advise you to do some more research and share your findings. If you think your cat has been poisoned, call the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center at (888) 426-2235. Your call may incur a fee. Feel free to leave me a comment!

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