For all you “Catalogue” fans out there, I’ve done an interview with Isosceles, the star of the show! He doesn’t have his own blog, and he was too fat to fit into the holiday sweater, but I figured you probably wanted to know something about him anyway. His real name is Rocky, and here’s what he had to say about his life, his anger issues, and his new found fame.
Crepes (C): Hi, Rocky. Thanks for joining us.
Rocky (R): Thanks for having me.
C: So how do you feel now that you have over 150,000 YouTube hits on your new film?
R: It’s cool.
C: Well, I would think that’s more than cool, right?
R: Yeah, it’s neat.
C: Okay, well I suppose the coolest thing about that movie was me in the fridge, right? ::laughs::
R: ::blank stare::
C: Okay, moving on… Did you ever think the film would get this popular?
R: What film?
C: The one you’re in.
R: I’m in a film?
C: Yeah, “Catalogue?”
R: Wait, was that when the Fods were gathered all around the foot of the bed for like 5 hours one day?
C: Yes, they were filming you.
R: And then there was that guy who let me lick his yogurt spoon. That wasn’t so bad.
C: Kris Flanagan, your co-star.
R: But then he started dancing around the bed and I was like “Is this guy hitting on me or something?”
C: I think he was just acting.
R: But then I thought he is tall and kinda cute so –
C: Let’s talk about the script! How much info did you have in the script decisions?
R: I sat on it for awhile when they put it down. I like the way it crinkled.
C: Mmhm. Mmhm. That’s very interesting. Tell me about your childhood.
R: Pretty much the same as now, except we lived in a different place.
C: I’ve heard tell of a printer that you had a fondness for.
R: Ah! That ****ing printer! Man, that thing would go BACK and FORTH. BACK and FORTH. I Hate S*** that goes back and forth! I broke the self-cleaning litter box because it went back and forth. And I’d do it again, too.
C: You’re angry a lot, aren’t you?
C: Was this your first acting experience?
R: No, I was in a few other films. “Hell-Copter” was a popular one. That was before you were born. Classic. I also did another one a few years back that never made it to print. And I played “grandma” in a retelling of the classic Red Riding Hood and The Wolf story.
C: That’s quite the extensive resume. I heard there were some problems on the set of Catalogue.
R: I don’t want to talk about them.
C: I heard you were in the bathroom constipated for the first 90 minutes of filming.
R: I said I don’t want to talk about it!
C: Happens a lot, doesn’t it?
R: It’s the raw food, ok? That stuff’s hard to digest!
C: Maybe you should eat less of it, fatty…
R: That’s it –
C: Get off me!
::HISSING SOUNDS, GROWLING, SPITTING::: END OF TAPE.